AUTOMATIC WRITING

by Laurence Klavan

 

 April 12, 2014

From: Selwyn@gmail.com
To: Theauthorshole@gmail.com
Subject: Submission

Dear Editor, Attached please find  my short story, “The Last Will and Testament.” I hope you enjoy it.

Best, Selwyn Millerman

From:Theauthorshole@gmail.com
To: Selwyn@gmail.com
Re: Submission

Dear Writer, Thanks you for sending us your work. We appreciate every submission sent our way. Please allow three to four months for reply. Sincerely, Editor, The Author’s Hole

From: Selwyn@gmail.com
To: Theauthorshole@gmail.com
Automated Reply: Re: Re: Submission

Dear Friends, I am at the cabin and so away from email. Please understand if there’s a delay in my response. Hope you’re well. Best, Selwyn 

From:Theauthorshole@gmail.com
To: Selwyn@gmail.com and 978 others
Subject: New Issue!

Dear Friends, The new Author’s Hole is up and running. Click here for our themed “Otherness” Issue. Special discount for new subscribers. 

From: EllieMillerman@gmail.com
To: EllieMillerman@gmail.com
Bcc: 128 others
Subject: Selwyn

Dear Friends, Please join us for a celebration of Selwyn’s life. The cabin was always a peaceful place for him, despite his horrible last use of it. Directions are available below. Love and light to you all. Ellie. 

June 5, 2017

From:Theauthorshole@gmail.com
To: Selwyn@gmail.com
Re: Submission

Dear Writer, We’re very sorry to have kept your submission so unforgivably long. We understand if you’ve found another home for your piece, “The Last Will and Testament.” But if you haven’t, congratulations, we will be happy to publish it. Please read and sign the attached contract and return it at your earliest convenience. Sincerely, Editor, The Author’s Hole

From: Mail Delivery System
To: Theauthorshole@gmail.com
Subject: Undelivered Mail Returned to Sender

Attention: Your mail is being returned to you because there was a problem with its delivery. The email account you tried to reach, Selwyn@gmail.com, no longer exists. Sincerely, Gmail postmaster

 

– Laurence Klavan wrote the novels, “The Cutting Room” and “The Shooting Script,” which were published by Ballantine Books. He won the Edgar Award from the Mystery Writers of America for the novel, “Mrs. White,” written under a pseudonym. His graphic novels, “City of Spies” and “Brain Camp,” co-written with Susan Kim, were published by First Second Books at Macmillan and their Young Adult series, “Wasteland,” is currently being published by Harper Collins. His short story collection, “‘The Family Unit’ and Other Fantasies,” has just been published by Chizine. He received two Drama Desk nominations for the book and lyrics of “Bed and Sofa,” the musical produced by the Vineyard Theater in New York and the Finborough Theater in London in 2011. His one-act, “The Summer Sublet,” is included in Best American Short Plays 2000-2001.

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